On the main square in the Czech town of Trebon, the bank has a statue of a man holding a big fish over its door. The city is all about fish — farmed here in manmade lakes for centuries.
Another statue honors the town’s 15th-century megalomaniac lake-building hero, Jakub Krcín (now considered a “hero” since his medieval lakes absorbed enough water to save Trebon from the 2002 flood that devastated Prague).
At dinner, my beer glass says, “Bohemia Regent anno 1379.” It occurs to me that I’m consuming exactly what people have been eating and drinking in Trebon for over 600 years: fish from the reservoir just outside the gate and the local brew. And they are good at fish.
Just like the French have words distinguishing triple the kinds of kisses we have in English (can a French-speaker help send in a few examples, please?), the Czechs of Trebon cook fish with both passion and variety.
For maximum experience, we ordered all the appetizers on the menu tapas-style (a good trick when trying to eat your way through another culture): “soused” (must mean “pickled”) herring, fried loach, “stuffed carp willet sailor fashion,” cod liver, pike caviar, and something my Czech friend and guide Honza translated as “fried carp sperm.”
I said, “You can’t fry sperm.” And everyone at my table insisted that, while female fish have a whole trough full of eggs (caviar), the males have a trough full of the male counterpart — and it’s cookable. Fried carp sperm tasted like fried oyster…same texture, too.
For my main course, I had to try the rest of the carp. I thought carp just swam in hotel fountains. It was the cheapest fish for good reason — bottom-end…muddy weed-eater…mucky mucky carp.
Trebon’s other claim to fame is its spa, where people come from near and far to soak in peat. Envisioning the elegance of Germany’s Baden-Baden, I had to give it a whirl. Besides, I thought it would make good TV. Stepping into the huge institution, we checked in. Immersed in a One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nestambiance, we were ushered through.
My attendant didn’t really understand why I had an entourage (local guide/translator, producer, and cameraman). She just treated my like some deaf-mute she was assigned to bathe and massage. She pointed to room number 8. I stepped in to see a huge naked lady climbing into a stainless-steel tub. She must have meant number 9.
Number 9 was a tiny shared cubicle — someone else’s clothes already hung there — which led to a big steel tub. (I never saw my cubicle mate.) She mimed to take off everything. I kept my military-green swim suit on (afraid of a prankish combination of high-definition footage, my producer Simon’s sense of humor, and YouTube). She snarled.
Camera work is slow. She was anxious. The peat muck only flows at the top of the hour. I climbed into my stainless-steel tub, she pulled a plug, and I quickly disappeared under a rising sea of dark-brown peat broth (like a gurgling sawdust soup).
Then, my tub was full and all was silent. My ten toes looked cute poking out of the hot brown and glassy-still sea. She kept acting like I would overdose if I stayed in too long. But we filmed our sequence (one of the stupidest-looking show opens we’ve ever done — I looked like a naked Al Jolson).
Finally we were done shooting. Standing in the tub, I showered off the sludge. She ushered me into the massage room and laid me face-down. It was like a nurse’s office with a pile of dirty sheets stacked in the corner. Honza translated it in our guidebook as “hand massage.” That sounded redundant at best…vaguely kinky at worst. Honza said that’s literally what massages are called in Czech (rucni masaz).
We just wanted to film my shoulders. But she insisted on ignoring the camera’s needs and giving me a hand massage from my shoulder to just about where I didn’t want the camera to go. When the crew had what they needed, they left. I tried to go, too, but she wouldn’t let me. She had to complete the massage that every patient at the Trebon spa is entitled to. (Most people at the spa were there at their doctor’s orders, with expenses covered by insurance.)
I walked out with a mucky massage cream causing my shirt to stick to me, and without a clue what soaking in that peat soup was supposed to accomplish.
Different strokes for different folks. Much of what we read and hear is that people just love the food and drink in foreign countries. And believe me, I am all in favor of people doing what they like best.
But! To my Sweetie and I, hotels and restaurants are tools of travel, not destinations. Neither of us use alcohol, so that was never a problem. In 6 months in 9 trips in France over 25 years, we ate in maybe two places that most tourists would consider a good restaurant. We loved shopping the groceries and bakeries, and my Sweetie knew just what to fix and how to fix it in our RV.
This is a serious question that we discussed. How much of the real Europe would we see and learn about, if we spent hours each day looking for, and spending hours eating in restaurants, and unpacking and packing suitcases in hotels.
Believe me, I do not complain about anyone’s way of travel except for the people who come home and complain about everything and everybody they saw.
Eating sperm…..that’s a little beyond my limits, but I admire you, Rick, for stepping beyond your culinary borders and trying new foods. One of the things I enjoy most about travel in foreign countries is trying something I’d never find, let alone know how to cook, in the USA. Bravo!
I should think a peat bog bath would do wonders for the skin. Probably something like why some put mud on their face. Enjoy the fish! Ewwwww for me, like the snails.
My laughs for the day! Thanks!
Re: different ways to say “kiss” in French
Here’s a link where you can search how to say various words/expressions in French (among other languages). http://www.wordreference.com/enfr/kiss
While many resources commonly suggest using baiser to say to kiss, it is more commonly used nowadays as slang to mean a crass way of saying to have sex (basically the f-word). Faire un bisou/bise or embrasser is more appropriate. For example, Je te fais un gros bisou means I give you a big kiss.
But enjoy a moment looking through the site link — it mentions lots of other compound expressions with kiss. And while you’re at it, find lots of other expressions that you’ve always wondered about…
Gros bisous a tous *tR1$h*
Hi Rick- We are having such fun following your blog. Now that you are finally in the Czech Republic, it’s much more personal, as we live in Prague. So glad you are getting off the beaten track. Of course, putting it on U.S. TV and in your books may change it into the beaten track! :-) Nevertheless, I have 3 tips for places that are both thoroughly enjoyable and quite photogenic: Here’s the first: (1)Marianske Lazne, the spa called Marienbad in German during Hapsburg rule. Golden yellow and creme buildings set in a hilly green landscape. No “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest” ambiance here. Music, fountains, spa waters, parks. Your character limits preclude my putting all my tips in one posting. To be continued. P.Hedgie
Continued tips for great sights outside of Prague Second tip: Hradec Kralove, a major town often ignored. August 31 to Sept. 1, they are having a marvelous festival honoring Queen Eliska. Here’s the write up from czechtourism.cz “..takes the town back to the 14th century and the reign of Queen EliÅ¡ka Rej?ka. The historical downtown will be occupied by a medieval fair, historical parades, and jousting tournaments, medieval games and entertainment, conjurers, musicians, dancers and other artists. The festival will offer educational programs on the lives of our ancestors, a fire masquerade, crowned by an evening fireworks display.” P. Hedgie in Prague
Continued tips for great sights outside of Prague. Third tip: Pernstejn Castle. If Honza takes you as far as Moravia, and he should, this is a premier sight. Set high on a peak in the forest, this a huge and fascinating Gothic fortress. Be sure to film in the old kitchen, the library, the very narrow circular staircases, the indoor well reached by steep steps, and the dungeons. I have never seen photos that do this place justice. Bet yours would! I hope you will also see some of the “Greenways” — biking and hiking trails which are very well maintained and very popular with Czechs. A few visitors are now discovering them. Enjoy!!! P.Hedgie in Prague
Kudos to Rick for trying what is on offer. I might try the fried sperm myself when passing through Trebon this December on my annual CZ trip to visit my husband’s family. It doesn’t surprise me its used. These folks do not waste anything. All parts of the animals are used in one way or another. They even feed their chickens the eggshells after cooking the eggs. I was told it makes the chickens strong and better eggs, but I think it comes from having to live through very hard times. As for the peat baths, I can honestly say it does help my arthritus. It will be a welcome pain relief this December and have already booked it at Bertiny with the massage. The key is to be very prompt and just go with it. I must have gone native, as the nakedness isn’t an issue any longer for me as it was years ago. To me its just like going to the OB/GYN…they’ve seen it all before 100s of times, so no big deal.
Hi Rick, I agree with P Hedgie on Marianske Lazne. Its a lot better than Karolovy Vary. Been there many times since my father in law lives in Chodova Plana. And speaking of Chodova Plana, if you like beer and spa in one, visit Chodova Plana Brewery. They have a spa now where you can take a bath in a beer mixture and have a glass of their pivo while soaking. Heard it really softens the skin with all that natural vitamin B. The brewery has a restaurant in a cave, which is usually filled with Germans on holiday. Decent food, but I prefer the restaurant under the castle in nearby Tachov (about 15-20 min drive from Chodova Plana) which is filled with locals and dirt cheap to eat at. One more town that should be added is Plsen. It has great architecture and sightseeing in the town center. And who can pass up a visit to Pilsner Urquell? After all, Plsen is the birthplace of a great beer!
Hi Rick, “soused” means neighbor in Czech, not pickled. Otherwise thanks for the lovely stories from my homeland.
Rick, I understand your doing a tour of Greece this September. Since you do not have a tour book of Greece I was hoping you could do a travel DVD of your tour. A travel DVD of this tour would be wonderful and what a great gift this could make for someone. This is just an idea I wanted to run by you. Hopefully you do make a DVD of this tour. Happy travels
I vote for the Greece DVD–like Joeseph. :)
Fried sperm, Rocky Mountain Oysters, Haggis, people eating every part of the pig except for the squeal, others consider lamb’s eyeballs a delicacy…..much of these foods were all that was available to eat at the time – long before McDonalds, KFC & Starbuck’s. I salute your sense of adventure!
A naked Al Jolsen? I can just picture you now. Thanks for the visual, I had to cover my mouth to keep from laughing out loud since I am reading this at work. lol lol