Spud Hilton, the travel editor at the San Francisco Chronicle, asked me, “With so many people complaining about airport security lately, what would you suggest to make it better?” Here’s what I told him:
Hi Spud,
1. If my toothpaste is over 3 ounces, let me squirt it down to the maximum allowable “liquid” amount and carry it on rather than making me toss the entire tube. (I asked and was told it’s not allowed.)
2. When there’s a lull in the crowds, and with what seems like “thousands standing around” (TSA), one of those agents should be able to open a break in the stanchion maze so we don’t need to feel like silly mice needlessly zigging and zagging for five or six rows in order to meet a security agent. (I asked and was told it’s not allowed.)
3. When being patted down I always stick out my wings and tell them, “Nothing hurts, you can touch me anywhere, front or back of your hands…I don’t care.” Then they ask me, “Does anything hurt?” and say, “I’m going to touch your buttocks with the back of my hands.” (I leave them a few coins in the tray.)
4. If I’m talkative, they always ask me if I’d like a “private screening.” While it sounds nice, I’ve never taken them up on the offer. (But I leave even a few more coins in the tray.)
5. Actually, rather than complain, I think it’s most constructive to use the waiting time at airport security to meditate on the reasons we have so many enemies, and what we might do so that fewer people from far away become really angry at us.
-Rick Steves
Do you have any other suggestions of our TSA that I might relay to Spud?
